


Twice

by DarkSilverWings



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, minor mentions of other characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-10-01 04:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10180328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkSilverWings/pseuds/DarkSilverWings
Summary: Touch my lips if you won't tear my skinHold my hand if you won't break my wristThe way we are is all that can work for us





	

Twice  
Tsukishima Kei/Kageyama Tobio

Kageyama is inherently misunderstood. Tsukishima is inherently rude. And yet Tsukishima was the one who'd confessed, and Kageyama hadn't rejected him. And yet their relationship works on the understanding that Tsukishima can't not be rude, and Kageyama can't learn the gift of gab. Kageyama knows this, he knows he's the one who accepted this, he knows it's because he does have some feelings for the blonde. It's unclear whether said blonde was asking him on a dare or not. 

They've never held hands, it's been five months. Kageyama has never needed reassurance. He's never needed anyone, he's always been alone in his room trying to understand his own problems, and not once has it even occurred to him to consult someone. That doesn't stop him from freezing up when he jogs to catch up with Tsukishima, fingers reaching for his, and the other's hand is shoved in a pocket. Yamaguchi doesn't notice, and Kageyama lingers exactly three paces behind, observing his fingers as if they were at fault. Because it absolutely _had_ to be his fault.

Tsukishima may have thought his hands would be sweaty, or he had just been feeling cold, or he didn't want Yamaguchi to misunderstand. But what was to misunderstand? They _are_ dating, or so Kageyama believes. 

Once a week, Tsukishima will buy him canned coffee, cappuccino because it's his favourite. Once a week, they walk home through the park, not a word said between them. Kageyama uses these as a beacon when he feels empty. His team is there, of course they are, but outside the court? Outside the court and after hours when he wasn't _'King of the Court, Kageyama Tobio'_ but instead just Kageyama? Dull Kageyama with flat hair, boring eyes, lids that don't crease enough, an attitude that could wear even Shouyou down; in those hours he's alone. Kageyama thinks, and he over thinks, and suddenly he hangs on to that can of coffee as the only sign he has that Tsukishima hadn't been joking. 

He can't bring himself to ask if that had been a joke and this was just pity. He feels even less inclined when Tsukishima forgets. Two weeks, he forgets. The second week Yamaguchi has coffee that Tsukishima bought, and Kageyama wants to go _home._ He tells himself it's fine. It's fine. It's definitely _fine._ But then the blonde doesn't even speak to him _on court_ and he feels like garbage. He feels used, hollow, like the corpse of a tree fallen victim to a strangler fig.  
He misses a toss.  
And he runs ten laps around the school.

When he gets back everyone but Shouyou is gone, the orange haired boy wanted a race. Kageyama can't remember who wins. "Kageyama, are you okay?" Shouyou asks, tone only curious. So Kageyama looks at him like he's an idiot, and he tells him, "Does it look like I'm not, dumbass?" And Shouyou stiffens up a smile before he leaves. Kageyama is so exhausted he barely makes it to his room.

"Tsukishima?"  
"Hm?"  
"Tsukishima?" Kageyama feels intrusive asking more than once. He doesn't get a response, so he waits. He waits and he waits, watching patiently but Tsukishima doesn't look up. Kageyama tells himself Tsukishima has more important things to do, that he's being a burden even asking for help at all, and memorises the derivation instead of understanding it. He doesn't understand a _single word._

Tsukishima finally looks up as though he's been kicked, "What?"  
"It's nothing."  
"What, so it pleases his majesty to disturb people for no reason at all?" And it _stings._ It stings Kageyama right in his chest but he pretends like it doesn't and calls him a dumbass. Tsukishima wrenches the book from his hands and skips a few pages behind, "Hah? This entire thing is wrong, King. The whole thing, all the following questions because they depend on this answer which you messed up." He doesn't pull it even a little. Tsukishima glares at him like he's an insect, and suddenly he feels so small he could vanish if he stared a little harder. Kageyama redoes the sum, but he's terrified. He's terrified if he doesn't do things right, Tsukishima will decide it's not Kageyama he wanted at all, just up and leave without informing him. He doesn't need to be informed at all, but according to his books, _they were dating._

Six months ago, Tsukishima had held on to his sleeve so lightly he almost didn't notice, and when Kageyama had looked up to ask what he'd wanted, his gaze wasn't met. He had taken that as a sign and waited till everyone had gone home using studying as an excuse and Tsukishima waited by the gate. Patiently, quietly he waited, Kageyama saw him shivering and didn't ask what was wrong; because he thought the other would tell him anyway. He noticed the lack of the trademark headphones of the other, and hadn't asked about that either. 

Instead he had tried not to look standoffish or arrogant, tried and tried so he wouldn't be called that horrible name. But the first words that had come out of Tsukishima's mouth were, "King, I need you to listen to something." And Kageyama felt selfish, guilty, disgusting and careless all at once with the utterance of that title. _"I like you,"_ he heard, and the words rang around his skull, each clang making his eyes go wider and in a split second he'd become too confused. 

Tsukishima had looked like he'd expected this, so he had taken a deep breath with his eyes closed and asked Kageyama Tobio to be his boyfriend. Flat out, no holds barred, straight up asked him to be his boyfriend. The absolute last thing he had expected in response was a 'yes' because he'd looked more surprised than Kageyama had been in response to the question. The blonde had stepped forward, close enough that Kageyama could smell cleaner from his sweater, and raised a hand that didn't settle against Kageyama's cheek. 

Not an inch of skin makes contact, and though the setter had full well expected a kiss, he didn't get one. He saw the glimmer in Tsukishima's eyes, saw the sheer desperation and absolute fear spiralling through them, and he lowered his gaze so as not to be rude. When his cheek had suddenly felt cold, he raised his eyes back up to see the other back off, glasses obscuring whatever expression he might've been wearing. At that moment he'd thought it might be an amazing relationship. And _oh how wrong he was,_ seeing as now Tsukishima can't look at him without being disgusted, can't talk to him unless it's a retort, and hadn't come that close even once since.

He begins to believe Tsukishima wanted nothing to do with him at all. When Kageyama steps into the cafeteria, Tsukishima leaves with a juice box and Yamaguchi in tow. When Kageyama finds him during break, he mumbles about a teacher and is gone before he can protest. And Kageyama had never in his life been someone to disvalue things he deemed serious. If Tsukishima was joking he'd stop this _now,_ and either way he's _done._

He walks into the classroom the next day and goes straight to Tsukishima who is listening to music with his head on his arms. He calls out, once, twice, clears his throat. Yamaguchi is the one who shakes his shoulder, because Kageyama thinks he'll be slapped if he tried that. Tsukishima looks up and pulls his headphones off. Annoyance leaks off him in waves so thick he's almost knocked back. " _What,_ King? Unlike you, some of us need to do things in the morning," he spits, as if he hadn't been doing even less than the boy in question. 

He doesn't break, he tells himself he can try to stop this today, "I need to speak with you. I'd like to do so after Volleyball practice or during break." And Tsukishima growls low in the throat, scowl throwing his monotonous face off kilter, "And what makes you think I'm going to spend either of those times with you? I'm not following your orders like everyone else." It _stings._ It fucking _stings like hell_ and he's _burning up,_ he's _running out of breath._ It's all he can do not to scream. 

"Fine then I'll tell you now. I am not your joke and would have preferred you told me that six months ago before you said what you did. I'm quite sorry if you didn't want Yamaguchi to hear even a single word about this, but I'd like to go back to the position we were at after the Inter high nationals, and if this relationship is the cost of that friendship then _I'll pay it._ It meant more to me, and quite likely to you," he says all of this deliberately, shifting weight onto the words so he isn't taken for granted. 

Tsukishima stares, stares as his eyes widen and his jaw drops and Kageyama registers that he looks _horrified._ Then he corrects himself, "Or perhaps it never meant anything to you." He leaves. He sees Tsukishima's absolutely cornered expression, an unmasked, raw display of emotion and he leaves.  
Kageyama had never in his life worded anything that well, Yachi and likely Tsukishima himself had he not been the person in question would be proud of him. Yamaguchi is gawking at him, and as he storms out of the classroom, tears of frustration begin to pour out of his eyes. He's not sure nobody had seen but he runs to the roof anyway. He doesn't mean to but he falls asleep.

The first month they'd been dating, Tsukishima had been jumpy. He'd pull his words a little, occasionally offer half a smile and his spiking improved unrealistically. Kageyama couldn't have been at a better position to say he had a great feeling about months to come, and in that month they'd walked home together whenever possible. The next month Tsukishima stops. Stops walking home with him as much as possible, stops texting and responding to his messages as much. Kageyama believes for sure he's done something wrong and so he asks but he gets no answer. 

By the third month he's frustrated, he's angry with himself, and he'll jerk his head in whatever direction Tsukishima's voice comes from at school and on court. He's fidgety and self-conscious and he looses ridiculous amounts of sleep that might have had an effect on his volleyball if he hadnt slept in class every day. Tsukishima stops talking to him except to retort, he doesn't say a word on their weekly walks and perpetually has his hands in his pockets. And Kageyama searches every site and book he can for what he could've possible done to make himself seem less to the blonde.  
After that Tsukishima is practically ignoring him, he's much more rude than usual, standoffish, arrogant, condescending and there's nothing he can do. And yet, when Tsukishima misses a spike from a toss of a ball he had never missed before he blames it on Kageyama. His voice turns bitter and he tells him, "I'm not super human, I can't keep up with your reckless tosses you arrogant King, learn to set for the rest of us who aren't Hinata, because I'm not wasting my energy jumping for a set up that I can't spike." 

Kageyama had stood there, stunned, eyes wide and jaw slightly slack as Hinata grabbed Tsukishima's collar and started screaming about him going way too far. He just can't take that blow to his pride, and he absolutely can't live through what happened at Kitagawa Daichi again. If the spiker wasn't going to jump for his toss, _who was he tossing to?_ He bows, apologises, and goes to practice serves on his own after telling Sugawara to switch with him. That's how the sixth month had begun, and with such a beginning Kageyama feels like shit for not realising there was nothing to come of this. He sleeps straight through two periods on the roof.

When he finally wakes up, it's because Yamaguchi is shaking his shoulder. He rubs his eyes and sits up, moving his jacket off his arms, "Yamaguchi?" He yawns a little, stretching his arms. "Kageyama, can I talk to you for a bit?"  
"Okay, what class are we skipping?"  
"It's self study. There's no teacher in class." He nods, sitting against the railing and taking the bottle of Pokari he's offered, thanking his companion. "You see, Tsukki, he's...," Yamaguchi starts, looking over to gauge if talking about this would be okay. Kageyama's expression doesn't change; he's numb.

"Tsukki has always been bad at keeping friends. I don't know why he's like this to you, and I never would've guessed he might've confessed to you, but he'll come around okay? Hear him out, he isn't very good with emotions either." And Kageyama knows that, but he thanks Yamaguchi anyway. The green haired server smiles at him, and they sit together for the rest of the period talking about volleyball.  
Sugawara asks in practice why the junior isn't setting today, and in response the dark haired boy tells all listening for his answer that he needed to work more on jump serves and wouldn't be gone too long. 

Daichi laughs, Tanaka slaps his shoulder, and then he's left alone. The ball feels heavier in his hands, weight shifty against his wrist and balance different, but he gives it a spin and it moves just the same. The ball sweeps through the air with a short whooshing, his shoes creaking against the floor as he jumps and the too-loud smash as his hands make contact with the ball. Nishinoya dives in from the door, but is much to far to do anything to the left-oriented course of the ball as it hits the floor. Kageyama can swear he's heard the clicking of a tongue, and he realises he's being too loud. He can't help the serves, they just aren't soft, so silently he apologises to whoever clicked their tongue, as if he didn't know already. 

The day after that he goes to Michimiya, who's name he only learns just then, and asks if he can have half the court to practice jump serves. The girls all smile, say he can, and the captain looks like she's heard this before. Here, Kageyama has no problem with his serves being loud, the sound of his hand against the ball and it's contact with the floor is more satisfying than he can imagine. The girl's team setter sometimes asks him things, the spiker likes his tosses, Michimiya can't receive his spikes and the libero is slower than Nishinoya but it's better than being there. He blames in on Asahi's jump serve practice, with no guilt whatsoever. Three days pass before he's finally able and willing to go back to the regular gym, itching to send some tosses and play with his team. He honestly _loves_ this team, all it's members and the connections he has here.

The gym doors slide open but it's empty inside. There's nobody there it seems, not even the nets are set up but one glance at the floors and he knows someone is here. And there's only one person who'd sit here without playing volleyball. So he turns, upset but ready to shut the doors and walk away. " _Kageyama,"_ comes the call that's too quiet, but he's heard it and they both know that. He wants to continue walking, go home maybe read some volleyball magazines or do homework, but he can't move. No, he doesn't try to move, because Tsukishima's voice is everything in this second. 

A soft curse accompanies the quiet mumble of, "At least _say something,_ " that ricochets around the gym. This time he does step in, slipping off his shoes and turning. Tsukishima isn't looking at him, but he'd expected that. He expects the silence and the aura that echoes go away but he hadn't intruded. Tsukishima had _called him._ He sits a fair distance away under pretence of personal space because he feels otherwise he'll get mocked. 

Instead Tsukishima chuckles, which escalates into a laugh that's not happy. It's self depreciating if anything, and Kageyama wants to ask what's wrong but he doesn't know how so he sits and stares at the floor so as not to seem impolite. "I was so afraid of distance we might have that I put it there myself," he declares, now looking horrified and disgusted all at once, clutching his hair, and Kageyama still says nothing, because he believes he doesn't have to in this situation. 

"I didn't mean it," he starts, but the dark haired youth doubts this. Must be obvious because he corrects himself, "Well I did mean what I did, but-....the words were my frustration, or so it seems." He's always had a way with words that keeps him from stammering, though now Tsukishima is wishing he'd choked on those words. Not so much when he sees Kageyama lean forward, dead straight hair brushing against his trousers as he leans his cheek against his knees.  
"I liked our...friendship."

He doesn't have to, but he does say, "I liked our friendship too, Kageyama." He can't even pass himself off as normal anymore, but Kageyama's cheeks tinge with the pink of embarassed joy so Tsukishima doesn't care. "I liked when we just became more," he continues, then he stops and frowns as if he hadn't the words to express his thoughts. Tsukishima hears it, it prompts his, "I'm...sorry I did all that."

Kageyama nods self resiliently. "I didn't know how to deal with being embarassed every time you walked into a room. Or...something like that," he stops himself before he says something stupid, but by the look of disbelief the other definitely thought it was avoidance. His sharp tongue is to cover his own misses and to lash out when he was confused, he wonders if Kageyama knows that, then reckons he doesn't because it's not an excuse. He needs to stop running.

"And what do you want?"  
"Give me one more shot, _please_ ," he asks boldly. The other says nothing for so long he's worried it's a negative, then a murmer of, "I thought you decided you didn't like me, or that it was a dare and you were being nice."  
"Neither of those are possible, one less likely than the other because Yamaguchi drags me to parties once a while," he's definitely sure all of that would've gone over his head. Kageyama laughs and he's not sure anymore. 

"And what do you want?"  
"Give me one more shot, please," he asks boldly. The other says nothing for so long he's worried it's a negative, then a murmer of, "I thought you decided you didn't like me, or that it was a dare and you were being nice."  
"Neither of those are possible, one less likely than the other because Yamaguchi drags me to parties once a while," he's definitely sure all of that would've gone over his head. Kageyama laughs and he's not sure anymore. 

"Then okay, but I'll break it off if it effects either of our volleyball."  
"Of course that's all you care about, King," Tsukishima's words hold no malice now, only an unspoken chuckle that Kageyama has to join in on. "So do I pretend we're...starting over? None of before happened?"  
"Firstly, who taught you language?"  
"Yachi-san," the brutal honesty has him grinning stupidly. "Secondly, it did happen so don't bother with a pretence like that."  
His socks squeak against the ground, pondering whether or not to clean the hall again before deciding it would be a waste. Hinata and the rest would be here soon tomorrow anyway.

\---

"Hey, Kageyama," Tsukishima murmurs as they sip water, the glance his way the only affirmation he gets. "Next water break, step outside for a second. Come behind the gym," he's taking a risk asking this, pushing boundaries of self esteem he's yet to try to overcome, and telling himself this time he could be selfish. There's only one thing worse than the nausea of embarassment, and that's Kageyama leaving him, so this time he's definitely not messing this up.

Though when he'd asked he hadn't gotten more than a slight nod, the setter still does slip out at the next break and nobody has noticed the absence of the blonde middle blocker either. Kageyama wanders confusedly, and the minute Tsukishima sees him he calls him, pulling him into the alleyway with one arm. He's taller, and though he might not be as toned, he's got the advantage here. Not that it would do him much good should the other decide to beat him up. "Tsuki-," he's cut off by the other's hand, light sheen of sweat coating the surface that makes it warmer against his skin. "Kageyama, can I kiss you?"  
"...do you have to ask such things? Dumbass."

He hadnt expected any answer different to that so he leans forward, removing his hand and replacing it with his lips, shifting softly against the dark haired boy's. He tries to make a noise, but it's swallowed up by the other's mouth as he leans closer, resting one hand at the shorter boy's hip. He barely breaks for a second, " _Tobio_ ", then he's unsure of boundaries once more so he has to ask,"...can I call you-"  
"Mm, but quickly, Daichi-san will notice."  
Tsukishima has to chuckle, one more soft kiss before he's moved, smile wide and probably stupid but Kageyama's doing his best to suppress his own smile. 

"Tobio, let me kiss you?"  
"You just did."  
"Again."  
"Not _now,_ " but the emphasis is on now so he doesn't even hide the chuckle in the shake of his head as they go back inside.

" _Tobio_ ," he murmurs, slipping fingers into his dark hair as he pulls him closer, clock's ticking making his heart race double. "Tsuki-...shi...-"  
"Kei is fine."  
"Then _Kei,_ that's enough, please."  
He smiles, kissing his cheek before moving away, letting Kageyama regain his breath and attempt to suppress his blush, knowing full well he was in the same position. 

It's Tsukishima's own respect of boundaries that keeps him at the instant response to the other's falters, he doesn't want this to be raunchy or heated, he doesn't need it, he only needs the comfort of relation. He knows that's exactly what the other wants too because he has been told, Kageyama is vocal and doesn't hide things so he's been told from the beginning that he won't get anything steamy out of this but he hadn't wanted it anyway and seeing the ridiculous sigh of relief the other had made on his reaction had been enough of a confirmation that their relationship is _enough._

He has no doubt sure Kageyama is all kinds of beautiful under his shirt, but that's what it is, beauty and he doesn't want more than to see, to map his skin and not mess it up, to appreciate him and hell, maybe even worship for the king he so makes fun of. The aesthetic is all he wants, he doesn't need or crave for anything more. 

There's a stomping of feet outside, Kageyama jumps, turning from Tsukishima to the door and back too fast to react much when Tsukishima moves enough to be caging him against the wall the exact second Hinata jumps sideways through the door, all bared teeth and sticking up hair and Kageyama freezes, he looks like he could literally die and Tsukishima is fast to remove his hands but only a few inches before he thinks, _why should I?_

"Kageyama! You could've told me if Tsukishima was bullying you! Shoo! Shoo!" As if he's a rat, Hinata makes pushing gestures with a determined frown on his face so dumb it's almost as funny as the line he'd just pulled.  
Tsukishima almost laughs, moves away, curls into himself and then laughs like an idiot on a high anyway because Tobio just sinks to the floor with his legs splayed out and his head tipped back; Hinata looks confused, and so does Yamaguchi who's apparently right behind him. 

He's on his knees too by the time he's done laughing and when Kageyama looks up Tsukishima wants to yank him by the collar and kiss him full on the mouth right then but he doesn't. He chuckles, takes a deep breath, and mimics a dinosaur with his hands up and a completely fake snarl and now Tobio starts, gets into a crouch, and then bursts out laughing himself, utterly failing to stand up and Hinata and Yamaguchi are laughing too, like idiots, like dumb pathetic idiots but when he falls back down Kageyama falls over him and stays there, half over his torso laughing his lungs out and _gods,_ he's _so beautiful._

Eventually, he does convince Hinata that he's not bullying Kageyama -very much- and himself that he's not delusional for staring at the setter's long legs. Yamaguchi cheerily grins at him in a way that's nothing but understanding, slight hilarity and he's never been this happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Why isn't there enough healthy ace relationships here bruh///imma need to write more  
> Thanks so much for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated and welcome :)


End file.
